Anthony

This is a story about Anthony. Anthony is a very witty man and comes up with puns so quick you would think he had a time machine. Maybe he does?

He lives in a nice little house. He has a very nice living room. It’s a little bit like a living room to me.

Anthony loves ice cream. So he gets in his time machine and heads off to Dairy Queen.

The line is long. I don’t blame him. I like a cone of mint chocolate chip. Anthony buys his ice cream and sits down on a table in the ice cream shop. He takes a bite and the phone rings. It’s for him.

He answers the phone. On the other line, he hears his old friend Samantha. He has a huge crush on her. But she’s not that into him.

She has a crush on him though.

So he tells her about his day. He mentions the ice cream, and then his time machine. He tells her how he uses it for getting ice cream.

The two talk for quite a while on the phone. Anthony comes up with a bunch of witty things to say. He thinks he could use them on Samantha. They have a really good conversation. She wants to hang out more. He’s so excited.

He eats his ice cream, still on the phone. But he’s so happy and hyper that he forgets to watch his step. He slips on some ice and smashes his face into the floor.

A little bit later, at the hospital.

This is an intervention. Anthony is sitting at the table with his dad and his brother.

They want to help him out.

But his dad doesn’t approve of all of his hobbies. He doesn’t like his time machine, or his magic wand.

He wants him to give them up.

Anthony asks his dad if he really wants him to give them up.

“Yes,” says his dad.

“Alright, well then, I will,” says Anthony.

“And just take out the parts from it that let it go back in time,” says his dad.

So that’s what Anthony does. He removes the part that lets the time machine travel back in time.

He looks up at his dad.

“Are you happy?” he asks.

“Yes,” says his dad. “We’re so happy.”

Anthony leaves the intervention, walks to the garage, and tries to put the machine back together.

It doesn’t work.

He tries again. It still doesn’t work.

Anthony opens the garage door. Outside, it is pouring down rain. He finds a little box to put in his raincoat pocket.

He walks back outside.

He is completely soaked. His hair is all flat. The rain is cold. He doesn’t care.

He closes the garage door.

He goes back to the time machine.

He puts the machine back together.

Anthony looks up at the sky.

“Crap.”

The story ends here.